the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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