doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
