A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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