It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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