were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
