I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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