allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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