She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
