I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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