i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
