your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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