Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My ass is underappreciated
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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