The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
