She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
NoShamevember. You game?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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