you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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