did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
