i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
