Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
