Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
