If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
