The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
