I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
