You made me cry and you don't even care
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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