: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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