Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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