i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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