we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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