I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
