put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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