If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
