maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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