There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
