I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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