I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
