Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
