So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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