is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I believe in your delicious
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
