I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
