I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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