I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
