last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
