After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
