did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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