don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
