I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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