Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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