I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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