I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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