So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
