i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
