And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
