apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
