I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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