Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
