So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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