I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
