I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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