My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
