just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
