He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
