Don't make out with my wife yet
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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