Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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