I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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