Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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